


The Ripple Effect

by knitekat



Series: Payback [2]
Category: Primeval
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Flashbacks, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Procedures, Rape Aftermath, Rescue, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 22:43:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2085930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knitekat/pseuds/knitekat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lester's rescue from Burton's clutches is not the end of the suffering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks go to Fredbassett for the beta.

James slowly woke to a world of pain. He groaned as he carefully curled up on the floor, his arms clasping his knees tight to his chest. He was sweating profusely even as shivers wracked his body and every wheeze and cough brought up pink-tinged sputum. Every breath hurt.

A particularly harsh cough sent agony rippling through James' body and left him gasping. He couldn't seem to catch his breath. He screwed his eyes shut in pain and saw lights flash behind his tightly-clenched eyelids as he attempted to drag sufficient oxygen into his lungs. 

Finally, after what seemed an eternity of struggling, James' breathing slowly eased as the muscle cramps passed. He drifted and no longer knew if he was awake or dreaming. He was content to lie there and let his mind wander, whether in dream or fevered reality, he no longer cared. It was far better than to think about the filthy conditions and the pain he was in. 

James smiled slightly as he recalled his relief when Becker had informed him of Abby's and Connor's return from their extended break, although, his pleasure had been somewhat muted by the news that Quinn had not accompanied them home and was still lost somewhere in time. 

Shivering on the floor as he still fought for every lungful of air, James found himself wondering if that had happened? If he had really hung up on Becker with a sober expression and a warm feeling inside or whether he'd only dreamt of how it would – might – be when they returned? If he had dreamt it, why hadn't Quinn come back? Was his subconscious warning James to expect losses? More death at his door? Another failure to add to the minister’s reasons for losing faith in him? Another reason for Burton to control the ARC? To hurt... no, to punish him for his many failures? James just didn't know. Not any more. Everything had become too confusing and he hurt too much to even attempt to make sense of it all. 

All James knew was he wanted it over. 

He couldn't fight any more. 

It hurt too much.

James couldn't stop himself whimpering or curling into a tighter ball as he heard footsteps approach his personal hell. Unsure if this was nightmare or horrid reality come to torture him, he began to shake uncontrollably as his heart stuttered in fear. 

*BOOM!*

James was vaguely aware of shouts and gunfire. He bit off a sob at his mind tormenting him. He had dreamt of rescue so, so many times since his captivity had begun. His dreams had all ended the same way: as soon as James breathed the clean, fresh air of freedom, it was cruelly snatched from him as he was rudely awoken, usually by the rough hands of one of Burton's henchmen. 

He smiled slightly as he remembered the first time he had been woken from such a dream. Recalling how, for a brief wonderful moment, he'd believed he really had escaped from the madman's clutches and he'd taken great pleasure in punching Burton and knocking him onto his arse. Even now, the memory of the black eye Burton had sported made James smile. Of course, Burton had punished him for that act of defiance, which had not been so enjoyable. It had been the first time Burton had raped him, and the only time Burton had ordered his henchmen to use him. The unrelenting pain as they had... James convulsively swallowed as nausea rose in his gorge at that memory. 

The shouts and gunfire faded, leaving James drifting as he waited for the inevitable and brutal awakening to his torturous existence. He knew he must still be dreaming as he could have sworn he heard Quinn's voice and Quinn was lost in the past – or was it the future? But the feel of a hand gently squeezing his arm felt so real as the ex-copper's voice sounded next to his ear, far softer than James could ever recall. “Hang on, guv. Just hang in there.” James shook his head and moaned softly at the nausea that action set off. He must be finally losing his mind. He had wondered how long he would remain sane at Burton's mercy. James gave a harsh near-laugh at that thought for Burton had shown him no mercy. The sound tore at his throat and set him coughing. He couldn't breathe. Gasping for air as his lungs refused to cooperate. James almost winced when the Quinn-ghost bellowed, much more as James remembered him. “Oi! Where's the bloody medic?”

***

Danny checked his weapon once more and took several deep breaths to settle himself. He just hoped that Connor's detective work had finally paid off and they were about to rescue Lester. He shook his head; he had never expected to make it back from the past to all of this. He had spent his long lonely days and nights dreaming of his return: to Lester's snark, Connor's babbling genius, Abby's common sense and concern, Becker's no-nonsense approach that made him so easy to wind-up, Sarah's...

Danny closed his eyes. So much had happened in that long 18 months. The ARC had changed so much. New people had joined... this Matt Anderson, for instance, who had set Danny's copper's nose twitching. There was much more to Anderson than met the eye and Danny had been all set on learning more. He hadn't, of course. Instead he'd been stunned to learn of Sarah's death and then too busy trying to solve Lester's kidnapping.

He had known exactly who was responsible for the latter when he had discovered the name of the man placed in charge of the ARC. He had quickly informed the rest of the team of his discovery of Burton's name in Helen's notes. It hadn't taken much to convince most of the team; Abby in particular seemed to dislike Burton. Connor, however, had been strangely reluctant to believe him in the beginning, even with Helen's notebook for proof. 

Danny shook his head to clear it, there would be plenty of time for ruminations once Lester had been rescued. He glanced at the soldier – Reed, Danny remembered – who he had been partnered with and when the man nodded he was ready, Danny counted to three and kicked the door open. It really had been the only bit of police work he had liked. 

Danny ducked inside, his gun and eyes sweeping the area for danger. He almost gagged at the scene that greeted him. The stench was almost overpowering – blood and sweat and piss and fear all rolled into one. His heart clenched as he noticed the naked body lying curled up on the floor. Bloodied and... He sighed in relief as he saw the shiver that ran through the man's form. He was alive! Looking at the man, Danny didn't think he'd seen a worse sight in all his years as a copper. He didn't want to believe that his guv'nor – a proud and arrogant man – could have been reduced to the mess lying before him. But in his heart, Danny knew it was Lester. He stepped towards him, knowing Lester needed to be removed from this festering hell-hole and taken somewhere safe. Protected and kept out of Burton's reach until Danny could get hold of that bastard and make him pay. 

Danny spun around as a shot echoed inside the room, his own gun raised as he looked for a target. He quickly spied a man lying on the ground with half of his face missing and turned to face his companion with one eyebrow raised in question. 

“He was going to shoot you, sir,” Reed answered Danny's unspoken question. He gave an audible swallow, obviously having just spotted the battered form on the floor. “Is that Lester?”

“I don't know. Whoever he is, he needs help.” Danny clicked his earpiece to transmit, “Jess, we need an ambulance asap and get the bloody medic down here.” 

Reed spoke into his own earpiece. “Gates, get your arse down here.”

Danny cautiously approached the bloodied and battered man on the floor, he didn't want to scare him into hurting himself by trying to move. Danny gasped in a mixture of horror and relief when he recognised the man. “It's Lester.” Danny was only vaguely aware of Jess informing everyone as he dropped to his knees beside Lester. He swallowed hard as his eyes catalogued the damage... knowing that it went more than skin deep. He sought an undamaged area of skin before finally sighing as he gave up on that fruitless search and just gently squeezed Lester's arm. “Hang on, guv. Just hang in there.” Danny almost flinched at the sound Lester produced. It took him a moment to figure out it was an attempted at laughter. The coughs and the harsh, painful gasps that followed scared Danny as he realised Lester was struggling to breath. His breathing was far too shallow and Danny doubted Lester was getting enough oxygen from each painful sounding gasp. The fact that Lester's lips were bluish told Danny all he needed to know. He turned to bellow over his shoulder. “Oi! Where's the bloody medic?” 

Danny didn't wait for an answer as he doubted Lester had the time to wait for the medic to arrive. He turned back to Lester and immediately put his first aid knowledge from his police days to use. He gently shook Lester's shoulder and spoke loudly and calmly to him, “Lester? James? Can you hear me?” He paused for a moment, but when Lester didn't respond, Danny gently eased him onto his back and hissed at the bruises and cuts that marred the pale skin of Lester's chest and abdomen. “Fuck!” He leaned in close and sighed, before gently tilting Lester's head back. “Come on, guv.”

Jess' voice over his earpiece startled Danny from his concentration. “How is he?”

Danny had forgotten he hadn't turned his earpiece off and was transmitting live to Jess and... probably to just Jess and the medic. Jess would keep the frequency free in case... no, Lester wasn't going to die on his watch. 

“He can't breathe.” Danny half-muttered as he concentrated on Lester. “Jess, where's that bloody ambulance.” When Jess didn't reply, Danny repeated, “Jess?”

“Sorry.” Jess' voice came over the earpiece. “Stuck in traffic. There's been a crash and fire. They're trying to re-route.” 

“Fuck!” Danny turned back to Reed. “Where's that bloody medic.”

“Here.” The medic ran in and dropped to his knees beside Lester and Danny. He quickly checked Lester's condition and turned to Danny, “Good job, sir.” He clicked his radio, “ETA on medevac?”

“At least ten minutes.” Jess replied. 

The medic, Gates, swore and turned to his kit, pulling out a BVM kit and connecting it to Lester. Gates began to bag Lester, forcing air – oxygen, Danny realised when he spied the tank connected to the kit – into his lungs. Danny sat back on his heels as he allowed Gates to take over. He rested a hand gently on Lester's shoulder and suddenly the nakedness of his guv registered. Lester would hate people to see him like this and Danny turned to Reed. “See if you can find a blanket or something to cover him.”

Gates muttered, his attention fixed on Lester. “I've got an emergency blanket in my kit.”

“Great, get it.”

“Sir.” Gates' voice had Danny looking into the medic's eyes. “The blanket can wait. What I need you to do is bag him. Keep it nice and steady. In time with your own breathing. Can you do that for me, sir?”

Danny nodded and there was a moment of confusion as Gates tried to hand over the bagging to him, for a moment he thought he'd fucked it up but then Gates steadied the kit and Danny got his hands in the correct position. “Thanks,” he muttered to the medic before he swallowed as he knelt in God only knew what and concentrated on his task, keeping in time with his own breathing and finding that trying to keep his own breathing steady was bloody hard in the circumstances. He watched Gates, partly in an attempt to distract himself from his own breathing and partly out of a need to know Lester would be OK. He watched as Gates gently turned over one of Lester's arms and swiped it with an alcohol swab. Danny dropped his gaze when he realised Gates was going to stick a needle in Lester's arm, instead keeping his eyes on the bag as he worked it and concentrated on breathing steadily. He looked up startled and almost missed a beat when Gates swore. 

“Keep bagging,” Gates snapped.

“Right. Sorry.” Danny returned to his task although he kept one eye on the medic as the man peered closely at Lester's arm. “What's wrong?”

“He's so fucking dehydrated I can't find a fucking vein. Fuck!” Gates gave up on Lester's arm and moved down to his thighs before moving to his groin. He swiped another alcohol wipe over Lester's skin, cleaning it of blood and other unidentifiable matter. “About fucking time.” 

“Gates?” Danny was getting worried by the medic's actions. 

“Found a vein, sir.” 

Danny winced in sympathy when Gates finally managed to inserted an iv into Lester's groin and set a drip going before he looked up with a relieved smile. 

“Good work, sir.” Gates murmured to Danny. “Reed, get over here and help me. Sir, I need you to continue bagging while Reed and I put Sir James into the recovery position, OK?” 

“Shouldn't we move him?” Danny had to ask. It just wasn't right that Lester should remain lying in blood and piss. 

Gates shook his head. “No, sir. I'd prefer not to move him any more than we have too.” He sighed softly as his visually checked Lester for injury. “Who knows what internal injuries he has... but the recovery position should help his breathing.”

A bit of shuffling and getting in each others way later saw Lester lying on his side and Danny crouched beside him. Gates nodded before shaking out a silver emergency blanket and tucking it around Lester as well as he could while being careful not to disconnect the iv. 

Danny shook the feeling back into his fingers once Gates had taken over the BVM. He wiped his hands clean on his trousers before tapping his radio, “Jess? Where's the bloody ambulance?”

Jess' voice was crackly as it came over the earpiece. “On its way. ETA seven minutes.”

Danny swallowed as he realised it had been less than three minutes since Gates had arrived. Three minutes that had felt like a lifetime.

***

Abby shook with anger as she watched Lester being loaded into the ambulance. Bruises marred every visible inch of his skin and she could hear his harsh, painful breathing, even with the help of an oxygen mask and constant assistance from one of the paramedics. She didn't resist when Connor pulled her into a quick hug before pushing her towards the vehicle.

“Go with him, Abs.” Connor's voice was full of self-loathing and concern.

Abby tore her eyes from Lester's blanket covered form to meet Connor's devastated face. “Oh, Con. You didn't know what a sick, sadistic bastard Burton was. Don't blame yourself.”

“I...” Connor shook his head. “I'm sorry.”

“You didn't do this to Lester. You helped save him.” Abby nodded and dragged Connor towards the ambulance. “Danny, Con's coming with me to the hospital.”

Danny looked up, his expression murderous for a moment before he gave them a brittle smile. “I've called Jenny. She'll meet you there.”

***

Abby, Connor and Jenny spent several restless hours waiting for news from the operating theatre, keeping the rest of the ARC informed on Lester's condition when they could while being kept informed on the similar lack of progress in tracking down Burton.

As the waiting grew oppressive and the silence become one of incrimination and worry, Jenny took a closer look at her two colleagues before asking Abby to tell her about recent events at the ARC, about Burton and how he had clashed with Lester. Jenny's face grew more and more sober, fury building in her eyes, as she listened. Finally, when Abby's tale ended, Jenny nodded and rose, hugging first Abby and then a far too silent Connor. “I have a few phone calls to make.”

Abby nodded. “About Burton?”

“By the time I'm finished,” Jenny told her with a dangerous smile, “Burton will be persona non gratis, even with the minister.” 

“How?” Abby began before shaking her head. “I don't think I want to know.” She squeezed Connor's hand. “I'll call if there is any news.” 

Jenny nodded, and with one final look towards the doors through which Lester lay, turned on her heels and strolled purposefully away. 

Abby smiled after her. “I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of Jenny.”

“She must hate me.” Connor's mumble was directed at the floor. “Everyone must hate me.”

“What?” Abby pulled Connor into a hug. “No, no one hates you, Con. Burton tricked you, we all know that.”

Connor wrapped his arms around her, his voice muffled by her shoulder, “It's my fault Lester's hurt, if only I'd listened to you, to Matt.”

“No. It is Burton's fault, no one else's.” Abby drew breath to try and convince Connor of that, but her words died unspoken when the doors opened and a doctor walked towards them, the serious look on his face drawing Abby and Connor to their feet, worry etched on their faces, afraid of what he would tell them.

***

Abby found it was a shock to see Lester, even though she'd seen him in the ambulance and had been told what to expect. He lay so still and pale beneath the sheet, surrounded by far too many medical instruments – the bleeps of the heart monitor and the steady whine of a respirator filled the room scared the hell out of her. Every visible inch of Lester's body was covered in cuts and bruises, including his face and he was sporting at least one black eye. Abby felt the horrible knowledge that the rest of his body would be similarly damaged sobering, especially when she saw the fingers of his left hand splintered together and that his right wrist was in a cast. The irrelevant thought that Lester would hate not being able to write almost had her smile, before she recalled that the doctors had not given Lester good odds. He was so badly injured that the next 24 hours were critical to his survival, yet alone recovery.

Abby swallowed and pulled Connor into a hug as he stared in horror at the mess Lester currently was. “It's not your fault, Con.” She smoothed a hand over his shuddering back, repeating those words softly in his ear as her gaze rested on Lester. If she ever got hold of Burton...

***

Lester let himself drift, content to allow the dream to continue. The soft sheet underneath him felt so good against his abused body. The light were now dimmed after he had cried out in fear. There had been a half-heard, half-remembered voice that apologised for taking so long. He let himself enjoy the dreams, knowing they were far better than the nightmares that always followed them. He could hear other voices talking, some he knew he should know. They were gentle and soft as they entreated him to return to them. He pulled back, back into the safety of the darkness. He wouldn't fall for that trick.

Burton would have to do better than that.


	2. Feelings Of Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is feeling guilty over Lester's torture - will they manage to recover together? Will Lester recover?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks go to Fredbassett for the beta.

It took Jess far longer than she was happy with to break the encryption to Burton's computer files. When she saw the amount of data, she knew it would take even longer to find the information they required. She took a quick break to fortify herself with a cup of tea and her favourite chocolate bar before she settled down for the long haul. 

Several hours later, Jess gave a jaw-cracking yawn and knew she needed a break, no matter how much she could ill-afford one. Although as falling asleep and missing a vital clue would be even worse, she sighed and rose to head for the bunk rooms. A quick power nap followed by a shower, more tea and yet more chocolate should see her capable of at least a few more hours of reading some of the most boring data she'd ever seen. Unfortunately, skipping the boring files could mean missing some vital clue to where Burton might be.

Feeling refreshed and ready-to-go once more, Jess hummed absent-mindedly to herself as she scanned through more of Burton's computer files. She rolled her eyes at the video-footage Burton had saved of Lester. Was the man really so obsessed with Lester that he had to store so much footage of Lester sitting at his desk, feeding Monty or just walking around the ARC? Jess shivered when she realised Burton had been stalking Lester and she reached out to turn the footage off. 

Jess' breath caught as she stared at the screen, frozen to the spot as tears trickled down her face. She was unable to break her gaze from the images now playing silently on the screen in front of her: 

_A bloodied, naked but still defiant-looking Lester swayed in the grip of two of Burton's men, his arms yanked painfully upwards as he was secured to a frame. She saw the look of glee and lust on Burton's face. Electricity sparked as one of his men tapped a metal wand against a chair. Lester's screams and struggles to escape as they ran that electrified wand over his body were obvious._

Jess almost sobbed in relief when Lester sagged unconscious in his restraints. She had never realised anyone could do that to another person. Her hand reached out again to stop the playback but she was an instant too late as shock once more paralysed her body. 

_Lester hung helplessly from the bonds attached to a frame, unresponsive as Burton walked behind him, tapping that damned wand in his hand as he caressed Lester's back, his hand dropping down to grope Lester's arse. Burton leaned in close to Lester and said something to him, something that had Lester tensing. He gripped Lester's shoulder and then Lester's mouth opened in a silent scream as Burton rammed the wand into him and raped him with it. Lester was gasping when Burton released the wand and walked over to the desk to pick up the control box. He struggled and screamed as Burton held the button down until he finally hung limp from the restraints. Burton pulled his erection from his trousers and stroked himself until he came over Lester's unconscious form._

Jess heard harsh sobs and it took her several moments to realise they were hers. The screen mercifully went dark and strong arms pulled her against an equally strong chest. Gun-calloused hands stroked her hair as Becker's voice sounded in her ear. 

“Shh. Jess, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that the sick bastard had recorded it. I wouldn't have asked you to access his files if I'd known.”

“How...?” Jess' voice shook and she swallowed, she would not fall apart, not now. They needed her to help them track down Burton. “How could he, Becker?” Jess was proud that her voice held only a faint quiver. 

Becker sighed softly, “I don't know, Jessica. I just don't know.” He continued to comfort her. “How about I take over here?”

Jess knew he meant well, that he was trying to protect her, but she couldn't let him witness those terrible images. Not by himself. She took a deep breath as she gathered her frayed nerves and managed a smile. “I have to help. I...” Jess shook her head. “I need to help.” She looked up into Becker's eyes as she gripped his hand hard. “Stay with me?” Jess held her breath; she knew it was a lot to ask of him. She sighed in relief when Becker nodded. With him by her side, she could continue her search. No matter what terrible material she might uncover, Becker would be there to protect her. Jess just hoped she was making the right choice in asking him to stay with her. She knew Danny would, the ex-policeman seemed hardened to... Jess swallowed, she still couldn't understand how anyone could do that to another person. Burton was... he was, sick didn't seem a big enough word to encompass the evil he had committed on Lester.

***

Becker closed his eyes for a moment, his head lulling back against the locker. He had failed once again and someone else had paid the price. First Cutter, then Sarah, followed by Lester and now Jess. If he had just done his job and looked at those files himself, Jess would never have had to watch the torture Lester had undergone. Fuck! If only Lester had accepted his resignation after Sarah's... maybe he wouldn't now be in intensive care fighting for his life. Becker hit his head against the locker, even if he survived Lester would never be the same again. He certainly wouldn't want a failure like Becker around to fuck up again. Three strikes and you're out, Becker thought the Americans' said, and Lester had been his third strike.

He was a failure. He had even failed to capture any of Burton's men alive for interrogation. Even worse, several had escaped and Becker had no doubt that Burton had been told his victim had been rescued. It was why he'd arranged for an armed guard to protect Lester, he certainly wouldn't put anything beyond Burton, not now. 

Why the hell had Lester wanted him to stay at the ARC? He had proven himself incapable of protecting the team, protecting Lester. Even someone who... No. Becker knew things would, could, never be the same again. How could Lester want him around now, especially after... Becker suddenly moved, driving his fist into a nearby locker, hearing the metal groan as he dented it and scraped his knuckles.

It felt good. He deserved to be punished for what he had let happen on his watch. Lester deserved someone better... Becker punched the locker again and again. He felt his knuckles split open under the pounding and wondered if he could ever bleed enough to pay for all his failures.

“That's not going to help, mate.” Danny's amused tones sounded and Becker swung around, his fist leading the way. 

Danny dodged the blow and grabbed Becker as he staggered past him. Shoving Becker against a locker and holding him there. “Calm the fuck down, mate,” Danny said in a calm voice. “Getting angry with me or that locker ain't going to catch that sick bastard.” He lowered his voice until Becker almost had to strain to hear him. “Or help Lester.”

Those words hit Becker harder than Danny knew. He had failed over and over again. What help had he been to Lester? None. Becker knew he was a fucking failure and sagged as all the fight left him. 

“That's more like it.” Danny slowly released Becker and took several steps back, his hands raised warily. “Now, how about a cuppa and we'll go over the info?” He eyed Becker's bloodied hand. “Via the medical room.”

***

Connor followed the sounds of fists slapping on leather. He entered the gym and sighed. Abby was punching and kicking the punch-bag with all her might. Over and over again, Connor couldn't help wonder if the bag was going to fly off the hook at any moment.

He stepped forward before stopping, he wanted to stop her but didn't want to interrupt her. When Abby gave a distraught cry, Connor moved to wrap her in his arms and hold her tight. “Lester will be fine.” 

Abby sniffed and held him tightly. “He's still in a coma, Con. It's been weeks.”

Connor nodded. “I know,” his voice quavered slightly as he remembered it was his fault Lester was still fighting for his life. He gave himself a mental shake, Abby needed him now and he'd hold together for her. “You know Lester, he's got too much pride to let Burton beat him.” When Abby nodded and wiped away her tears, Connor just wished he could be as confident.

***

Danny sighed softly as he watched his team, all suffering from what had happened to Lester, all blaming themselves instead of the fucker who had done it to him. He had been so relieved when Jenny had agreed to come back, even if only for the short-term. She'd be another steadying presence to hold the others together over the weeks as they waited for Lester to recover, even though she was, had to be, effected by what had happened to him. Danny sighed as he returned to considering his people, his friends.

Abby: blaming herself for what had happened to Lester; convinced it was him stepping in the save her animals that had set Burton off. Danny shock his head, the Burton's of this world didn't need an excuse to justify their actions. As far as Danny could tell, Lester had been in Burton's way and the sick bastard had acted to remove him. It would have happened sooner or later no matter what Lester did or didn't do.

Connor: consumed by guilt for believing in Burton and not questioning his actions. Too caught up in his hero-worship to recognise the madness buried within. Blaming himself for not realising in time, for not believing Danny until they had found the CCTV footage of one of Burton's men EMDing Lester in the back, of their guv'nor being bundled into Burton's car while Burton had watched, a satisfied smile twisting his face. Connor might think Danny blamed him, but he was wrong, it was obvious to Danny that after the death of Cutter, Connor had been looking for a mentor, someone to look up to, to strive to become. It had just been unfortunate that person had turned out to be Burton. Beside anything else, a year struggling to survive in the Cretaceous would be enough to make Connor want someone to believe in him and want someone to believe in and Danny believed Burton had used that to manipulate Connor. 

Becker: another one blaming himself and already so guilt-ridden after Sarah. Danny had heard he had tried to resign, but Lester wouldn't have it. Now he seemed even more tied-up in regret and slowly falling apart from what he saw as his failures. Danny sighed, Becker reminded him of some of his old colleagues on the force, so invested in solving crimes that in the end they cracked up. The lucky ones retired... Danny shook his head, Becker was too good a man to lose to self-loathing and he would have to hold the soldier together until Becker could see that for himself. 

Jess: Danny didn't know her, but her determination to continue helping even after seeing those images had made her one of his people... he just regretted that her innocence had been so brutally smashed. She was far too young to witness such horrors but her loyalty to the team, to Lester, would get her through. At least Danny hoped it would and he would keep an eye on her too... although, maybe he should give that job to Abby and Connor, anything to keep them functioning and focused on something other than their own guilt over Lester. 

Jenny: she had agreed to come back for this emergency. Danny remembered her face when she had seen Lester; the cold fury that had settled over her features as she had taken Lester's hand in her own and gently squeezed it. How she had gently brushed the hair from his forehead before kissing it softly. She had proven an asset to the ARC in this troubled time, but Danny knew she was unlikely to stay once Burton had been dealt with. Too many bad memories lurked within these walls for her, no matter how much the ARC needed her and her skills. 

The only one who didn't seem affected was Matt. The dark-horse, the mystery-man. What Danny knew about him just didn't add up. The man was up to something... every copper's instinct Danny had screamed that at him. However, Matt had done his utmost to locate Lester. Danny had heard that Matt had argued long and hard that they kept looking when the minister and bloody Burton had wanted to stop the search. Just that last point was enough for Danny to give him the benefit of the doubt, even if he would be keeping a very close eye on one Mr Matthew Anderson.

Danny sighed and rubbed his face. He could only hope that he could, with Jenny's and Matt's help, hold the team together. Lester would not appreciate it if he came back to work and found his ARC destroyed and his people scattered. Danny knew Lester would need that normality to help his recovery. Assuming he could recover from what had happened to him. Danny had seen stronger men crumble from lesser assaults, he'd also seen people he would have expected to give in, fight back stronger than before. He just didn't know which group Lester would fall into. 

Besides that, Danny needed the ARC to track down and 'deal' with that bastard, Burton. He owed it to Lester, for giving him the chance to find out what really had happened to his brother. But beyond all that, scum like Burton needed to be dealt with... and Danny was sure he'd find the perfect anomaly to throw that bastard through. Danny grinned at that thought.

***

Danny sighed as he watched Becker continue to mope around the ARC, especially as Jenny had reported that Lester was now awake, at least on occasions and responding well to physio, even if he was refusing the rape counselling he'd been offered. Not that Lester's condition was Danny's concern right now, no, Becker's was and the soldier's behaviour was beginning to worry him. He felt he was missing something vital... some piece of information that would make everything make sense.

“It's so sad.” Jess' voice started Danny. 

“What is?” 

“Oh, I thought you... ah. You've been away. I forgot you wouldn't know.” Jess almost babbled. “Becker and Lester... um.”

“What about Becker and Lester?” Danny asked before he turned to look at Becker with blossoming understanding. “Since when?”

Jess shrugged. “I'm not sure. I... um. I stayed late one evening and…” She blushed slightly as she continued, “I caught them kissing.”

Danny bit back a smile at what Jess wasn't saying, she had clearly had a crush on soldier boy. Hold on – Lester and Becker? The thought of them being together had never crossed his mind, but it would certainly explain Becker's reactions. Fuck! Danny ran a hand through his hair. Now he would have to add even more support for Becker into his plans. He wondered if Jenny knew, he'd have to tell her. She might be better placed to talk to Becker about it... Fuck. No wonder Becker was so guilt-ridden... it certainly explained why the soldier had never visited the hospital, he blamed himself for Lester's – for his boyfriend's – kidnapping and subsequent torture. Fuck! Becker always had been one to take failure personal and...

Jess' voice broke into his musings. “I hope they make it, Danny.” She looked rather sad. “They looked so... sweet.”

Danny could only add his own hopes to hers. At least Lester would have someone he trusted and loved to support him through this. Danny had always hated dealing with rape cases, seeing the shattered trust in the victims. He'd taken great pleasure in hunting the bastards down and would do so with Burton.

***

It had taken Becker far longer than he was comfortable with to visit James in hospital, the thought of seeing his lover so broken and knowing it was all his fault had kept him away. At least until Danny and Jenny had cornered him and made him realise that James needed him to be there for him, that he was failing James once again by his absence.

It had still been one of the hardest things he'd ever done to walk into James' room and see him, to meet his haunted eyes and know he had fucked up and that James had paid the price. They had both been awkward that first day, neither knowing what to say and Becker had no idea if James wanted him to hold him or keep away. He had so wanted to hold James tight, to let him know he was safe but instead he'd settled for pressing his lips quickly to James' forehead. He'd pulled back when he'd felt his lover tense and Becker had closed his eyes in rejection, only to open them when he felt a hand tentatively grip his own. 

James' voice was weak, a mere shadow of his normal tones, “Give me time, Becks.”

“All the time you need,” Becker promised him as he gently squeezed James' hand. He had visited every day after that, anomalies willing. What time he had left had been spent hunting down Burton, but he'd been unable to find him and that just proved how much of a failure he truly was. Maybe James would be better off without him, but until James told him to bugger off – and Becker knew he would – it was his responsibility to look after him. 

That had been over a month ago and Becker hadn't been able to keep the smile from his face when the doctors finally agreed he could take James home. He just hoped the haunted look in James' eyes would fade once they were back in their own place. Maybe, with James' discharge, maybe he'd have a chance to make that failure up to James. If his lover... fuck, did he still have the right to call James that after everything? Would his lo... would James even want anything to do with him? Becker didn't know, the one thing he did know was that he had to try, even if he lost James for good. He had to make up for his failure... if James would let him.

***

James hated the fact that he jumped at every unexpected noise, he hated the fact that he couldn't touch Becker or let Becker touch him without bracing himself first. He was bloody surprised that Becker stayed with him, he hadn't been much of a catch before... he swallowed hard, Burton, he was even less of one now.

Not only was his mind conspiring against him, but his body was too, and James hated the way he was so bloody tired all the time. When he found himself nodding off and only waking when he dropped his book onto the floor, James' shoulders slumped. He'd been told he needed time to recover, physically as well as mentally, and that pushing himself too hard would only cause a relapse and he had no wish to spend any more time in hospital. He gave a growl of annoyance before slowly walking to the bedroom to collapse on the covers, asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. James' eyelids began to flicker as he dreamt, although soon his pleasant dream morphed and changed and he whimpered. 

_James squeezed his eyes tightly closed as he heard footsteps approach him. Maybe if they thought he was unconscious they leave him alone. He almost snorted, when had they left him alone? He was a mere plaything for Burton's amusement._

_He shivered as a hand caressed his body, the touch gentle as it roamed over his naked flesh. Burton's voice sent James' heart racing, “You're still disobeying me, James.” His hand cupped James' balls and he squeezed, hard. “You know that means punishment.”_

_James whimpered before he bit his lip to prevent any other sounds escaping his control. He could do nothing but try and keep his control as he heard a zip being opened. Warm, pungent wetness splattered against his skin, running over his face and dripping off his nose._

James woke with a gasp, his breathing rapid and his heart pounding. He felt absolutely filthy and in desperate need of a bath. He opened the bathroom door and stepped inside, his eyes searching the room to check it was safe before he stripped naked.

He stepped under the shower and switched it on, needing desperately to be clean. As soon as the water hit his face, he was back there. He couldn't breath and his muscles tensed. Panting he stumbled in his haste to run, falling out of the shower onto the floor and crawling to press against a wall where he shivered and shook and gasped, lost in memory. 

_He struggled to pull free, but their grip on his arms was too tight. He couldn't breathe as the water hit his body. Terror filled him as he felt the water on his face. It was suffocating him. Drowning him. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe._

James slowly came back to reality to find himself back in his bed, wandering how he had got back into bed. He started to hyperventilate when a gentle hand touched his hand. 

“James?” The sound of Becker's voice slowly calmed his panic. “Should I move back to my flat?”

“No!” James almost barked at him before his voice almost broke as he continued, “Please. I'm sorry. Don't leave me. I don't, I'm sorry, Hilary.”

“I won't.” Becker replied. “Not unless you want me too.”

James gave a bitter snort. “I don't know why you don't or why you put up with me. I've yelled at you. I've taken a swing at you.” His voice broke, “I won't... I won't let you touch me.”

***

When James hugged his knees against his chest and rocked, Becker was at his side in an instant, his hand hovering as if afraid to touch James, before he hesitantly reach out to grasp James' knee. “I stay because I love you, James. We will get through this, together.” He nudged James' chin until his lover looked up at him, tears streaming down his face. “I never gave up looking for you. I'm not going to give up on you now.”

James took a shaky breath and nodded as he reached a hand out to gently caress Becker's face. 

Becker froze at James' touch, he was barely breathing, determined not to scare his lover.

James' voice was soft. “I do love you, Hilary. It was the only thing that kept me...” He swallowed hard and shivered at the memories those words invoked. 

Without thinking, Becker surged to his feet and wrapped his arms tightly around James, rocking him as he murmured soothing nonsense in his ear. 

James gave a stifled sob before he wrapped his arms around Becker. Becker rubbed his lover's back, listening as James broke down into heart-wrenching sobs. He blinked back his own tears as he smiled. Together they would confront their demons and defeat them, together they would get through this and emerge stronger.


End file.
